Episode 2: More than Just Worry
About
Episode 2: More Than Just Worry | Halfway to Healing Podcast
Anxiety isn’t just overthinking or feeling a bit nervous. It’s racing hearts, spiralling thoughts, sleepless nights, and sometimes just trying to survive the day. In this episode, we talk about what anxiety really feels like – from panic attacks to high-functioning anxiety and everything in between.
Sam and Sharna share their own experiences with anxiety, how it shows up differently for each of us, and the strategies that help. We explore the emotional, physical, and social layers of anxiety – and why it deserves more understanding than it gets.
Let’s keep the conversation going:
Instagram instagram.com/halfway_to_healing
—
✨ Anxiety is more than worry. It’s valid. It’s real. And you’re not alone.
Transcription
Sam: Hello everyone and welcome back to Halfway to Healing. I’m Sam.
Sharna: And I'm Sharna. And today we are going to talk about something a lot of people think that they understand but they don't always get, anxiety.
LAUGHTER
Sam: Ooh. Yup, not the I've got a big meeting in the morning kind of nerves, but the kind that sits in your chest, spins your thoughts into spirals, and can sometimes make brushing your teeth or answering a message or even a phone call feel absolutely impossible.
Sharna: Anxiety is more than just worry it's physical, it's relentless and it's often invisible and it can shape your whole world even when you're doing everything you can to hold it together on the outside. So whether you live with anxiety, love someone who does, or just starting to put words to your own feelings. We see you and we're glad you're here.
Sam: Oh anxiety.
Sharna: Yeah. Ugh.
Sam: Do you have anxiety Sharna?
Sharna: I beg your pardon.
Sam: I said do you have anxiety Sharna?
Sharna: Oh like the song? it's my anxiety.
LAUGHTER
Sam: No, I was making a sarcastic joke about the fact that I know we both have anxiety.
Sharna: Yeah. Mmm hmm also the best character inside in inside out two by the way.
Sam: Oh. I cried.
LAUGHTER
Sharna: Oh I know. I was there with you.
Sam: I know I was I and it was the second time I was watching it.
Sharna: I know.
Sam: I have never related to a movie so hard, and of course it was a Pixar film oh.
Sharna: I wanna say it's beautifully done, the way they represent that anxiety attack. Oh my gosh.
Sam: Oh.
Sharna: Getting goosebumps.
Sam: I think it was because, and this is spoilers, but I think it was because of the I'm not enough. And it just like hit this nerve. Like that is.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Genuinely such an anxiety habit that I'm not enough, not it doesn't even have to be good enough or whatever, it's just I am not enough and that having that like just on repeat in the movie just sent me. someone.
Sharna: Yeah. Yeah I know I was like oh my gosh Sam come back Sam come back come back.
Sam: Do you have I mean I know for me I was always an anxious person. Like I was an anxious child some of that's probably undiagnosed neurodiversity.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: But I was so anxious all the time as a child. Like everything would send me off or.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Were you were you like that or did it like come to you?
Sharna: You know what um. I'm gonna say for me it probably maybe when I was 8/ 9 when I moved to Queensland. Um I think in Tasmania and Melbourne I was quite you know extroverted, outgoing. I had a whole bunch of friends and then, I don't know something seemed to click when I was, not click, that's but like something switched I wanna say around 8 or 9. I became more shy, introverted, just filled with this sort of unexplainable feeling, sensation something wasn't right.
Sam: Hmm.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Did you know that it was more than just a normal worry, cause like, I mean moving is a stressful thing to do.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Especially interstate
Sharna: I mean I think in the moment no. But, looking back I think I can acknowledge that it was a bit more than just a normal worry like I don't think it was. I wouldn't say it was the move that necessarily triggered it, because I had moved beforehand, but just things in my life had changed um. Something about me had changed.
Sam: That's, I mean that's fair. I think big you know, big events in people's lives can, whether or not that's stressful or not can change. I read recently that they've done a study of late. I was gonna say recently twice, and I was like I don't like that um. That uh, people with autism.
Sharna: Mmhmm.
Sam: When they experience what would be considered a mild disruption.
Sharna: Mmhmm.
Sam: Have an um, experienced anxiety so intense around it.
Sharna: Mmhmm.
Sam: that it can cause trauma memories to form.
Sharna: Wow.
Sam: Yeah. So like something like um, if you have to suddenly go out somewhere or like little things that seem to a neurotypical as like a small change or a small thing.
Sharna: Hmm.
Sam: Actually feels like trauma to an autistic brain.
Sharna: Wow.
Sam: I'll see if I can link. I'll see if I can find it.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um. But it was really interesting to read because obviously as an autistic person.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um. It explains why when people you, you know, just for our listeners I need people to walk on a specific side of me, and I get so anxious and so uncomfortable when people don't do that.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: And it's getting a lot better, but it got a lot worse before it got better, because so often I'd be reinforcing that thought of like “no someone has to be on this side.”
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um, that I reinforced it so much that it became even like worse and worse and worse.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um, and that's I don't know have you ever felt that like with your anxiety is like like reinforcing it's kind of made it worse or heightened it the next time it's coming.
Sharna: Yeah, absolutely. I think with regards to my anxiety, I think I wanna say, even though in my mind it started when I was around 8 or 9 I think it really quite peaked when I was hmm, 15 to 17 18 ish. And a lot of that was rooted in very repetitive and ritualistic behaviour.
Sam: Hmmm.
Sharna: That I needed to do. I say ritualistic and repetitive behaviour because that's what. I was never diagnosed with OCD. So, I'm just going to say it as repetitive and ritualistic, because that's what it was. I don't want to talk about something that I am not diagnosed with. That doesn't sit right with me.
Sam: That's I totally get that.
Sharna: Yeah. But, for a lot of for me a lot of that anxiety was very much part of needing to do these ritualistic repetitive behaviours. And we'll talk about ritualistic and repetitive behaviours in a later episode. But, it was this constant I wanna say it's not, it wasn't fear but it was, it was more way more intense than fear. Like something was going to go wrong if I didn't do this. If I didn't check if I didn't check the lock. If I didn't do something a specific way. It was yeah. It's kind of hard to explain, but that's how it I would say peaked in my case.
Sam: Hmm, yeah. I think I I can't even think of, I can't even think of a moment where it peaked because like I said I've always just been a really anxious person and I don't know, I think and I, I squashed a lot of my feelings across the board.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um. With alcoholism and drug use. So, but I know I think the worst situations are social ones, or at least yeah social ones which is.
Sharna: Yup.
Sam: Worrying about being and having anxiety about running the right social file. And like I still get anxious now. Like if I um, miss a joke like if someone says it.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: I often, and I'm like oh my gosh I didn't get that and I go into like, and I say sorry a lot.
Sharna: Yup. Same.
LAUGHTER
Sam: I say sorry so much and I am getting better. I'm trying to say thank you like thank you for your patience. Thank you yeah. Because, I've come to learn that by saying sorry all the time, it puts the other person on the defensive.
Sharna: It does yeah.
Sam: They have to squash my anxiety, they have they, or they feel the need to squash my anxiety, or they feel they've done something wrong because I'm apologising. So, I've been working on trying to say thank you. Like thank you for helping me, thank you like instead of being like, sorry you had to help me, thanks for helping me I really appreciated it. You know.
Sharna: I love that yeah, I've never thought of it in that way. But, I think that's that's such a great way of looking at it, and I think that's something I wanna, I'm gonna bring that up with my psychologist because my psychologist she gets mad at me for saying sorry. she's like “Sharna what did you say?” I'm like “not sorry.”
Sam: Because more often than not, more often than not me apologising. I actually am just grateful the person is listening to me.
Sharna: Uh huh, Yeah.
Sam: Or waited for me, or like that's actually my intention
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Is I, I am appreciative that this person.
Sharna: Mmmhmm.
Sam: Has done this thing for me that they didn't have to do. But, and instead of, for me, instead of feeling bad about the fact that they've done this. Which they they're their own person, they can, they can take control, they can say no, and if they wanna say no and don't say no that's on them that has nothing to do with me.
Sharna: Yep. Mmhmmm.
Sam: And you know, but, also I mean. I also with some people have started taking back my sorry’s, like if I apologise and I'm like, actually I'm not sorry I take it back yeah.
Sharna: Yeah, hmmm. Cause that's not what you mean and what you intended.
Sam: Exactly.
Sharna: Yeah, yeah that's a great way of looking at it. And something that I have not even thought about or looked at it in that way. So thank you.
Sam: No worries, cause like I imagine like the other day I said the other day was yesterday. You were like oh sorry I had like a really hectic day.
Sharna: Yeah, ha ha ha yeah.
Sam: And it's fine, like I mean I get it. I very much get the need to apologise, and yeah but also it doesn't, it doesn't need the apology because your intentions was like, oh hey I'm feeling a bit bad that I took so long to respond.
Sharna: Exactly, yeah.
Sam: And I think I saw you at the flower festival and probably didn't have reception anyway.
Sharna: Yeah, yeah. I wasn't yeah. I was too busy looking at sunflowers.
Sam: Exactly, yeah. Oh my God, it's this constant need that technology has given us about the need to be available 100% of the time.
Sharna: Uh huh.
Sam: And I actually am learning through being a business owner, that I do not, I am, I don't have to be 100% accessible.
Sharna: Uh huh.
Sam: Immediately.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: But it's such this harmful thing where it's like, the fact that we have read receipts on things. That's so stressful because either you don't, you don't you get on the receiving end, you can you could I, I don't get this way I'm very good with my social media. But, thankfully but I know some people can get really stressed if someone hasn't read their message, but then also if someone has read the message. The stress that it can cause when they haven't responded.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: And I mean I know I read a lot of messages either because it's open on my computer and I'm not even in the room.
Sharna: Yeah. And then it's automatically.
Sam: And it's just automatically read, and I haven't actually seen the message. Yeah. Or, I, that's usually what's happened. I can't think of another scenario. But, and I shouldn't have to respond immediately, and I know I've got a very much approach with everybody, like you will just see it when you want, you will just respond when you wanna respond.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Not even when you have capacity to respond, but when you want to like, and that's, that's fine. But, that's really hard to learn.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: And I feel really sorry for people in my brother's generation, where they've grown up. I didn't grow up on technology.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: I probably should have cause I'm a 2000’s baby, but I didn't um, cause we didn't have money for things like ipads and stuff. So I didn't grow up on technology like a lot of people our age.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: But, especially in the younger generation, like yeah the next yeah. I was like what is the next generation? cause I don't know.
Sharna: I think it's gen alpha.
Sam: Gen alpha where.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: They are all on these things all the time.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: And there's definitely a place for it, and I can see how it's beneficial, but there's a lot of harm as well. And I think technology is also in the list of later topics, and social media and all of that. But it is it is important to kind of flag for anxiety. Like it causes a lot of stress and a lot of all of that, and especially like I, I have really high functioning anxiety where I'm, because I just always am anxious.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: That a lot of people, like a lot of my anxiety comes out through over preparation, overplanning, overachieving as opposed to more of like a shut down thing. But don't get me wrong especially in medical situations, if I'm overwhelmed and anxious, I will shut down I will become nonverbal.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: You can't get a thing out of me.
Sharna: Nope, nope. I have noticed that hmm yeah. which I'm at like, which is not only like scary for you, but also I've, I've I guess, people around you, I'm like oh my gosh. Cause wanting to help, but then not wanting to further heighten your anxiety, you know. Hmm yeah. I really like how you were saying before about the read receipts being on
Sam: Hmmm.
Sharna: Um, I know you are quite good with responding to messages but I'm.
Sam: That's cause if I don't respond immediately Shana I forget you ever messaged me. if I don't send it when I see it, I won't respond for three weeks. Like it just doesn't happen. I'll like go in I'll be like, I'll be like or I think I've responded and then I'm like waiting for a response from you and I go in and I didn't respond. I'm like well, that's on me.
Sharna: Sometimes, I think I can't think of a response, and so I won't reply and I won't open it because I don't want the person to see that I've read it, and then I will have this guilt.
Sam: Hmmm.
Sharna: For not having responded to it right away or like when I see it, and so I'll put it off, and then that leads to the guilt and then I'll put it off, and then yeah before you know it it's been however long and I'm like, well what, and so then I'm just like “I'm so so sorry.” When really I just need to be like “Well thank you for waiting.” I guess, but it's, it, it's weird how it can spiral.
Sam: Oh yeah there's so many anxiety spirals. My favourite is the ‘what if?’ spiral ah yep.
Sharna: Let's, let's, let's think about that for a bit.
Sam: I say favourite as if it's not like awful yeah, what if this happens, what if this happens and then this happens and then this happens. Yeah, I really like um.
Sharna: I feel a good way, I like to sort of think about it in my case is, I don't know if you've seen ‘The Truman Show’.
Sam: Oh, OK. Wait the one, wait, the one with the the movie or the TV show?
Sharna: The movie. I did not know it was a TV show.
Sam: I it might not, be to be honest with you.
Sharna: Basically, it's about this man who has been raised in this town where.
Sam: I have seen it oh OK yes. I was like maybe I have seen it actually yeah.
Sharna: So for those of you who haven't seen it. It's about this man who is raised his whole life in this one town, and he is the star of his own show, but he doesn't know it and everyone around him, including his parents are actors. And I don't know, for me, that feels like a really good representation of mine. Especially with the what if, like what if this person secretly hates me, what if this person's lying, what if. I don't know does that make sense?
Sam: It makes sense to me. I mean yeah, mine, my what if's are very much more around things happening. Right, when it involves other people I'm, I'm in like psychotic paranoia right. So you're so it's like people are watch. It's not a what if I'm like, no people are watching me, people do hate me whereas the what ifs that I've got with my anxiety, and that's not anxiety that's just that's paranoia that's a whole different topic. My what ifs are like what if this appointment goes wrong, what if I can't get treatment, what if.
Sharna: Right.
Sam: I, what if this work that I do isn't good enough, what if like. That's kind of my what if spiral.
Sharna: OK.
Sam: Yeah.
Sharna: It's interesting to see how both of us are different. Yours are more so like objecty and mine are more like people.
Sam: Hmmm.
Sharna: What if.
Sam: That is really interesting.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um do you like, how do you kind of squash. Do you have like strategies to not squash but like deal with that.
Sharna: Um, you know it's, it's hard um, just have to, and ,this is something I've been working with my psychologist about um. I was telling her the other day I was like well what if my partner for example, is lying when he tells me something, and my psych said something really interesting. And she was like well you can either choose to believe that and put yourself at ease or not, and just continue to spiral and have this doubt, and which in turn is not a very healthy or trusting relationship. So it's just sort of choosing to believe people at what they're saying to me. Which when you're having a big spiral it's very hard to do. But, I guess it's in hindsight it's easier to do, but in the moment it's not. So, it's like it's easier to believe this person you love, rather than constantly always doubt them. Because obviously that's gonna, that's, that's gonna make them doubt you, that's gonna.
Sam: I'm kind of, I'm kind of glad mine’s not people based. Because I don't trust people very easily. So that would be insanely difficult for me to do because I'd be like, I'm totally right here what are you.
Sharna: Mmmhmm yeah.
Sam: I, I don't trust this person enough, so I'm kind of grateful that it's it's more object based.
Sharna: Yeah. I how do you manage yours?
Sam: Yeah, I, I have to over like I over prepare for things.
Sharna: Hmmm.
Sam: So like a big anxiety I have is what if I'm late.
Sharna: Yeah. Mmhmmm.
Sam: So to deal with that and, and I spiral out of controllers in, I could be late because the bus might explode. Which is a totally not yeah. I, that is a genuine fear I have every time I catch public transport, is not that it's gonna be like, there's gonna be like a crash or that there's gonna be no. That it will explode.
Sharna: Wow.
Sam: Um, and so I catch the bus beforehand, like the bus that before the bus. I catch the bus before the bus I was supposed to catch.
Sharna: Right.
Sam: If that makes sense.
Sharna: It does it does.
Sam: Um, and like what if I'm late, you know is I'm there hours early. And I kind of go into like over preparation mode for the what ifs with appointments I prepare for them, I prepare questions I wanna ask, I prepare what's been happening. I don't wing a lot of things.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um. I'm not sure if that's the best way to deal with it to be honest with you because I think, like I said earlier, I think it does a lot of reinforcing.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um like, it's like okay what if I am late, well not what, what's the bad thing that's gonna happen?
Sharna: Exactly.
Sam: something I actually learned in my eating disorder recovery, um which please only do this if you wanna try it. Either with a professional or if you're in a safe place, but is to follow the spiral and to just get to the end of it.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Because usually by the end of it, it turns out that everything's okay.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: So, it's like okay, what if I'm late okay.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: If I am late, this happens.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: What if you know, and kind of following it down and finishing the spiral. As opposed to kind of letting it hang there, has sometimes been really good. Um, and I think it almost acknowledges a little bit of the feelings I'm feeling.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Because it's like okay, what if this appointment goes wrong, okay what happens if it does go wrong.
Sharna: Yeah. And it's like, it gives you a bit of an answer to that uncertainty.
Sam: Exactly yeah. But I say, I do say be mindful because sometimes these spirals can.
Sharna: Spiral.
Sam: Spiral.
Sharna: Yeah um.
Sam: And I wouldn't want anybody to try that, or do that if they weren't safe or didn't know how to do it and, but it's something I learned in my eating disorder recovery. where it was like OK, what happened, like just follow it. Go to the end of the road.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: You have to act on the end of the road, but you.
Sharna: Exactly.
Sam: But you might know where it goes.
Sharna: Yeah, that's really insightful.
Sam: Oh thank you, I get that a lot.
LAUGHTER
Sam: Um, have you ever experienced like anxiety or panic attack?
Sharna: I have um, in the moment I didn't know what was going on. Um, so I feel like I should give a bit of context. Um I can't remember the first time it happened, but I think I was, I think I was maybe putting away Christmas decorations or something. And I was just downstairs by myself. And so mine, when I reflected on it with my psychiatrist. He actually told me that it was an anxiety attack. so I, I have anxiety attacks, not panic attacks I feel like that might be important for context. Whereas, I believe you have panic attacks if I'm right.
Sam: I don't have panic attacks anymore.
Sharna: Okay
Sam: Yeah, but I used to have panic attacks, not.
Sharna: OK.
Sam: I just have anxiety attacks now. Um.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Which are still not fun.
Sharna: No
Sam: They are not fun um, but I used to have really severe panic attacks where I would be full on shaking, throwing up, hyperventilating um, was serious, like I genuinely thought I was gonna die and that something was wrong. And the only way I, I could manage that was through medication. I was not able to, either cognitively because of malnutrition or other stuff going on, but I couldn't work through it.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um, a lot of my panic attacks were around trauma or, yeah, like I used to yeah, and sometimes I'd be in settings where I was actually feeling excited. But because the physical symptoms of excitement are rapid heart rate, a little bit of trembling, that's excitement. But for a really long time I act, I thought excitement was anxiety.
Sharna: Right.
Sam: And so I would get excited about something, think it was anxiety, and then have a panic attack and need to stop what I was doing.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um, and so that was really. I had to spend a lot of time working out whether or not, like I, I genuinely put a lot of feelings like sadness or grief or excitement or love I, all thought these emotions were just anxiety because they have a lot of the same physical symptoms. Which would then cause more actual anxiety because I would be like, this is a really fun thing I wanna do, why on earth am I why am I anxious? Holy shit why am I anxious? And then I get all tense and.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um, but in terms of like the panic attacks, I couldn't deal with it without medication and eventually I now I, you know can work through it. I um, a big technique that I use is temperature. So applying, like a cold pack to the back of my neck has been really useful in helping with panic attacks and anxiety attacks, because it almost shocks me back into the moment. And being present is really good for anxiety. Like anxiety is like future worry stuff, so you know, bringing me back to the present moment, I've always found so useful in you know dealing with anxiety. Do you have I mean, I've talked about a couple things that's kind of supported my healing with my anxiety, and it's not perfect I still get very anxious, but is there things you do?
Sharna: Yeah, so I might backtrack a little bit, just.
Sam: Yeah I've just like run off on things.
Sharna: No, you. That's fine back to like my first one, when I was putting away these Christmas decorations or what not, because it was an anxiety attack. it did have I think looking back now I can see the slow sort of gradual build to it. And I can recognise that now when they do happen. Which thankfully hasn't been too often. But, in the moment it felt like it was very sudden, and I had this very strong feeling of like, something terrible was going to happen, and I did not know what it was. I've often described it to my psychologist and psychiatrist as this, just this feeling of like impending doom. Like everything was just gonna like explode, and like the world was just gonna implode. And I didn't have the tools I do now to understand what that was. And so I like staggered up the stairs just like crying, not being able to comprehend what was going on and I'm like “Mum, something is wrong.” She's like “What's wrong?” I don't know something terrible is going to happen. And so it took me a while to calm down that first time, because obviously like I said, I didn't have those resources I do now. Saw um my psychiatrist actually not too long after that happened, and gave me, can't remember the name for it, but it's a it's a benzo so he was only able to give me five of the pill. Which I think I've only used about 3 for. Ha ha 3, 4, 5. 3 out of the pack for when I'm not able to, I guess ground myself.
Sam: Mmhhh.
Sharna: And thankfully, it hasn't happened too many times. But I actually did have one maybe a couple weeks ago where it did sort of have this big eruption almost.
Sam: Hmmm.
Sharna: But then, when I was able to ground myself. So thankfully my partner was next to me, what's the word like pressure on myself I feel like is good. Just like being like held I guess, gives me a sense of safety and security, and I have a weighted blanket and stuff which is very helpful for me I find. Was able to I do this, I think, it's called like it's like a breathing method, it's like breathe in for 5, hold for 5 breathe out for five. Um I also use another one called, it’s like called the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method or something where you name five things you can see, four things you can feel, three you can see feel.
Sam: Hear smell and taste.
Sharna: Yeah, yeah. You know it.
Sam: I do. it's like I've been through it with a thousand times before.
Sharna: So those ones are really helpful for me. I think getting my mind to like focus on those things, brings me back. And especially with the breathing, cause my even though it's not necessarily a panic attack in my case, I do start breathing really heavily. So getting my, excuse me, I've got the hiccups. Getting my heart rate back and focusing on that breathing. You just said hiccup didn't you.
LAUGHTER
Sam: Yeah.
Sharna: Getting my heart rate um, slow down and calm myself helps me a lot what my anxiety attacks like and what I'm able to work through most of the times. There have been maybe like one or two cases, like I said where I could not get myself to come down, and so I did have to take those pills. But thankfully I'm also able to manage them. Yeah my goodness, anxiety.
Sam: I know it's so crazy it's such a big topic.
Sharna: Right.
Sam: Um, and there's so many different ways that it presents and everything. I think we've done a good job of like explaining like our individual experiences with it. But I think that's a nice wrap.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: And on like how to help, and next week we're talking about identity.
Sharna: Yeah.
Sam: Um, and our different identities, and how that's kind of influenced our he healing journey. So that'll be really exciting.
Sharna: Yes.
Sam: Um, and here's my little social plug. We do have an Instagram. You're more than welcome to follow us on Instagram, uh it's halfway to healing with little underscores underneath. It'll be on the screen um, if you wanna give it a follow, uh and then also like comment, subscribe all of the normal social things. Um but thank you so much for listening.
Sharna: Thank you everyone have a good week.